संवाद संपून जेव्हा होतो फक्त वाद

देश बदलतो, काळ बदलतो, संदर्भाची चौकट बदलते, आणि नैतिक-अनैतिक ची मोजमापे ही त्यानुसार बदलतात. जेव्हा ही मोजमापे स्थळ, काळ, वेळ यांच्या चौकटीत बांधलेली असतात, तेव्हा ती बदलणं काही अंशी नैसर्गिकच असतं. मात्र आपण जर ह्या मोजमापांना त्रिकाला बाधित सत्य मानत असू, तर मात्र आपण अश्या बदलांचा स्वीकार कदापि करणार नाही. किंबहुना, ज्यांनी अश्या बदलांचा स्वीकार केलाय, त्यांना सुद्धा आपण समजून घेणार नाही.

जर का हे लोक आपले निकट वर्तीय असतील, तर मात्र परिस्थिती फार बिकट होते. त्यात जर व्यक्ती मूल्यनिष्ठ असतील (ज्या लोकांसाठी मूल्यां मधली तफावत पचणारी नसते, म्हणजे की ज्या लोकांना आपल्या पेक्षा वेगळी मूल्ये असलेल्या व्यक्ती ह्या आपल्या वाटत नाहीत), तर मात्र अश्या कुटुंबियां मध्ये संवाद होण्या ऐवजी होतो फक्त वाद.

ह्यावर उपाय आहे काय? मूल्यांमधली निर्माण झालेली दरी ओलांडून पलीकडे पोहोचायचं तरी कसं ? व्यक्ती मोठ्या की मूल्ये ? आपल्याला प्रिय असलेल्या पण वेगळी मूल्ये  असलेल्या व्यक्तींना प्राधान्य द्यायचं की आपल्याला सर्व श्रेष्ठ वाटण्याऱ्या मूल्यांना ?

This world, that world

Dear aai & baba,

I know how shocked you were to see my picture in a frock, drinking wine. And I understand why. We come from a middle class family with very conservative values. We live in a world where wearing a sleeveless top is considered both, unusual and alienating from morality. It certainly raises many eyebrows. Drinking any form of alcoholic beverage is looked down upon as an act of moral degradation restricted to those people who are aimless, hungry to satisfy their sensory pleasures and have no values or principles that they stand up for.

My perspectives about these things have been changing slowly as I try to integrate myself with life in US. I tasted alcohol for the first time in my late 20's, first out of curiosity and as an adventure. I started drinking in social settings. Given the background of how I was raised, I have given quite a lot of thought about whether or not it is morally OK to drink. And here is what I think. I think that drinking just adds one more dimension of pleasure to the set of pleasures you get when you're consuming something. You eat to fill your stomach, but you savor a sumptuous meal because it tastes good; and tasting something good on your tongue sends pleasure signals to your brain which makes you feel good. When you drink alcohol, it plays with your mind or brain directly, irrespective of whether or not it tastes good. It silences the nagging voice at the back of your head and suddenly you feel lighter, no longer bothered by the practical matters of life. So it makes you joyful, just like consuming good food does, but at a different level. It is not morally wrong to drink alcohol occasionally. It certainly is troublesome when you become addicted to it or when you can no longer enjoy life without having alcohol or when you become dependent on it to make you feel good.

While my views have changed, your views haven't. You fiercely believe what you used to believe. And so do our relatives. For our society, a girl drinking a glass of wine and wearing knee-length frock is a sign of total moral degradation. You can't fathom the idea that your daughter has radically opposite views than yours. You might think that I am a whole different person, which I am not. I just got a chance to see a world opposite of my known world, meet diverse people in different strata of society as compared to people my younger self was friends with, started debating and questioning my belief system, and have been revising and revisiting it. Iterating over my belief system is something I have done in the past too, before coming to US. I used to have total faith in god as a kid, and started questioning god's existence and had been leaning towards atheism as I grew up. I keep debating about pros and cons of having faith in superpower every once in a while. Isn't this natural for us, human beings, to revisit and revise our belief system, as and when we stumble upon differing ideologies? Isn't this something that all of us do?

What I'm failing it is communicating this to you. A picture taken out of context has little meaning to it, and can mislead the viewers. Perhaps you picture me acting the same way back in your world, and that doesn't fit in. But that's not how it is. Rather than concluding that your daughter has alienated from higher moral principles, I encourage you to take a step back and rethink over the following questions:

- Almost everyone I know here drinks in social settings. So does it mean that all of them have lower moral values?
- None of my Indian friends wear Indian dress (aka salwar kameez) in settings other than at Indian festivals. Does that say that all of them are ashamed of being Indian and have no pride about their country?
- Why are only the women in India supposed to carry forward the tradition of wearing Indian clothes, where as men have forgone wearing Indian clothes (aka dhoti-kurta) long, long ago?
- For all relatives who commented on my drinking, did anyone comment about boys/men in the picture who were also drinking? Or again, is it the case that our society permits boys to drink, but when a woman drinks, she has stooped to a lower moral standard?
- Whenever someone says that "Had I been in their shoes, I wouldn't have done so-and-so", I really don't believe them. Unless you actually were in their shoes, you never know how you would behave.

I feel as if I am dealing with two opposite worlds that co-exist on the same planet and to whom I have been a witness to. What I am trying to do is the impossible task of building a bridge between these two worlds, but I know this bridge is shoddy, weak and needs more work. I just wish that it gives you some idea about my point of view. Or so I hope.

Your daughter

City vs suburbs

This is my first time living in a city in US. So, I find myself comparing the city life with life in suburbs. Here are some things that I found amusing about city life:

• Closest Walmart store is 30 miles away where as closest bookstore is 0.3 miles away :)
• I have done more walking in last 4 days in Cambridge than the entire past month when I was in NJ.
• Even if you eat out every day of the week, you need not repeat going to the same restaurant twice. (And you do end up eating out a lot!)
• No more chain restaurants such as Dominos or Panera Bread. You have plenty of better options!
• Since space is precious, everything inside and outside home becomes smaller in size including the dishwasher, the closet, bedrooms and the parking lots.
• Queues. There are queues everywhere, and for everything, such as to order food or to enter a restaurant for being seated, to pick up your order and sometimes, even to enter a shop. People are used to waiting in lines, and they do stand patiently in queues.
• Surprise.. city life is expensive! A service at a salon that used to cost $5 in NJ costs three times more in Boston!

Couple Friends

As you get old, it becomes harder and harder to make new friends. If you are a married person, you form this new set of "couple friends" where you and your spouse are friends with another couple. In my own experience, it is harder to develop deep friendship with couple friends as compared to you being friends with another person alone.

Here are few reasons why I think this is so. First, we need some notations. Let's denote one set of partners by x1, y1 and let's denote another set by x2, y2. To make comparison with the other scenario where one person is friends with another person, let's denote the two friends here by x and y.

1. Increase in number of variables: The simple reason that number of variables has doubled makes this case complicated. Previously, it is only x and y who need to be friends with each other. Now, four people, x1, x2, y1 and y2, all need to be friends with one another, at least to a certain degree, for the couple friendship to survive. 
2. Hidden variables: Some variables that are not easily visible also come into picture. One example is the relationship variable R(x2, y2) which represents the way in which the couple (x2, y2) interacts between themselves in public. If I am to be friends with another couple (x2, y2), I also need to be comfortable about their portrayal of their relationship in public. You may not believe it, but this variable also plays its own part in deciding the strength of couple friendship.
3. Couple's stage: The stage at which the two couples are, also decides the extent to which they will be friends. If one of the couple is planning a baby or has a baby where as the other doesn't, they will have different preferences for types of activities they want to do or the amount of free time they have at hand. 
4. All other factors which decide the fate of a friendship, such as compatibility in personalities and nature, common hobbies or interests, or common habitat are obviously applicable here as well.

आधी वसंत हृदयात फुलतो

बाहेर जरी
गोठवणारी असेल थंडी,
हृदयात मात्र माझ्या
हलक्या हलक्या पावलांनी,
दबकत दबकत
वसंत पाऊले टाकतोय

पक्षांची किलबिल,
फुलांचे हसरे चेहरे,
कोवळे ऊन,
अन भिरभिरणारी माणसे
असं चित्र माझ्या डोळ्यासमोर रंगवतोय

बाहेर प्रकटण्याच्या
कितीतरी आधीच
वसंत माझ्या मनात फुलतोय!

एलिझाबेथ एकादशी

निपुण बालकलाकार, 
निरागस त्यांचे संवाद अन निखळ असे त्यांचे हास्य,
नैसर्गिक चित्रीकरण,
नाट्यमय,
निनादणारे संगीत

नाना रागांनी नटलेला असा हा चित्रपट !

एक दिवस

गारठवणाऱ्या थंडीत  अचानक असा दिवस उजाडतो जेव्हा
पक्षांचा किलबिलाट ऐकू येतो आणि
आणि मनाला खूप सुखावून जातो